Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam
by LilyDoll9
Summary: Bella wakes up from her zombie period pissed and very heartbroken. She decides to change, everything,moving on might be impossible, but she'll try to shut the past down along with the painful memories.Story adopted from TopazEyes137.
1. Waking up

**So here's a story I recently adopted from TopazEyes137. She wrote the first chapters but couldn't go on... So, I offered to adopt the story.I just changed some minor details ;D  
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**She's a great writer and I loved the story as I read it.**

**Hope you Like it.**

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BPOV

When you first wake up everything is scattered and hazy and it takes a minute or two for your brain to figure out what's happening, to gather your surroundings and decide what to do next.

Waking up really sucks sometimes. Especially if you're me, Bella Swan, a girl whose mystical boyfriend, Edward Cullen had dumped her three months ago. A girl who was left behind, the girl he would never see again, the girl that gave him her heart but he decided to return it, the girl that loved him and he didn't love back.

He gave my heart back, but it didn't want to come to me again, it left with him, following him, leaving me with a deep hole within my chest.

Yes, waking up and remembering your boyfriend left you and that every minute without him your chest feels like it has a huge hole in it can ruin your day before it even starts.

_He left me, he didn't love me anymore._

About a couple of weeks after he left the shock had worn off and I had time to dissect our conversation in the woods. I was of course not happy with what I had discovered. What a lying, bloodsucking bastard!

He had led me on for months, used me and played with my feelings and emotions when he had no such feelings towards me. He played with me, he made fall into a illusion, it had never made sense to me, that he wanted me as much as I wanted him, but I trusted him when he told me otherwise. I trusted him and he betrayed my trust, he made me fall just to watch me as I sank.

What pissed me off the most was not just his lying, but also that even if he lied to me, I would have fallen for him anyways, I would be in the exact same situation, I loved him, I love him, I would love him no matter what.

What the hell was wrong with me?

What kind of girl loves the boy that lied and left her in the woods? _I'll tell you, a girl who has problems, that's who._

I looked back to the past weeks, entire months I had spent in a zombie-like state. I remembered nothing about those months, they were just a blur, time had passed by and I just stood there watching it leave, just as I watched _him_ leave and did nothing to stop him, I couldn't, I just froze as the words he told me sunk.

He doesn't want me, he didn't love me, I wasn't good enough for him.

Well this crying and moping around ends here.

I'm not going to let him ruin my life. I might never get over him, but I can still live my life the best way I can. I still have my friends and Charlie.

I rose from my bed, where I had spent most of my time, crying until I fell asleep. Sleeping until the nightmares hit me and I woke up again, to continue with my crying.

No more crying.

He promised that everything would return to be the way they were before he showed up in my life, that it would be as if he never existed, but he was wrong. He got rid of the obvious stuff, the presents, things that I got from him or his family. But there was so much more, he couldn't take away the , memories, he couldn't erase the feeling of his touch or his smell that still wandered in the background of my head, mocking me, showing me what I once had and would never be able to even see again.

First things first, I need to get rid of everything that has some connection towards him or his family. Walking to my closet I opened it up and began grabbing objects left and right. His favorite color on me was blue.

Everything blue has got to go. I made a pile of everything blue and turned back to my closet.

The clothes and shoes Alice had bought me were next. Another pile was made.

And finally, everything I had worn around him, everything that he complimented me on, everything, anything, the smallest detail, nothing could remain, I would reduce the pain to the least possible.

What was left of my closet was not much. I decided a shopping trip was in order. Great, I thought shopping, its my favorite thing to do. I bit back a sarcastic laugh.

Damn, I've changed a lot. I guess anyone in my position would change though. I'm not the only one that has gone through this. Well, beside the part about him being a vampire.

I went downstairs and picked up some trash bags and went back upstairs to fill them with my clothes, shoes, etc… Carrying the bags to put downstairs, I started to walk towards my door. Before I could make it there though I tripped on something and crashed down hard on the wooden floor. My bags flew from my hands and landed softly, but my landing was hardly soft. I had fallen on my knees and my face had connected with the floor. I turned on my stomach and cursed for a few minutes, glad that Charlie was away fishing with Billy to notice my extreme fall and the curses I was spewing out of my mouth, a sailor would had gone on mute with my colorful expressiveness.

Getting my self up took awhile, but I did it. I gathered my clothes that had fallen out of my bags and put them back in. When I had finished that I turned around to find what I had tripped over. At first I didn't see anything, but my hard wood floor, but looking more carefully I could see one of my floorboards had risen up off the floor somewhat.

I got down on my hands and knees that were still throbbing and crawled slowly towards the loose floorboard. Reaching the floorboard I grabbed one side of it and pulled upwards. Nothing happened. Trying again I pulled again. Nothing. Frustrated I got up and stared at it, it's just a stupid loose floorboard, I reminded myself, it made me trip.

I got angry by the thought and as sentimental as I had been feeling I put my foot on top of it trying to make it go back to its place. When it didn't go back I growled, getting mad at it and at my lack of strength.

Okay you little piece of… Oh my god, where's my profanity filter? I couldn't care less, I would make this change, I won't be the same Isabella Swan anymore, there won't be any traces left of that shattered past, I will forget about everything that happened, because, right now, my life depends on that. Right now, if I don't find a way out, any way out, I'm just going to collapse.

I won't get on that half-coma state anymore; everyone got affected by that, my dad, my friends, I.

The change is necessary. My change comes now.

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**I got: How will I know.**

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	2. Some Wishes Come True

**_Chapter 2 ;)_**

**_Sorry it took me so long!_**

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**BPOV**

I've definitively made my mind and I've decided to stop looking back. The past just hurts too much and memories send me back to the shadows, to remember everything I lost. So the plan is to be continued, I'll erase everything that reminds me of him, of them.

I took the numerous bags containing objects that bring back memories and without thinking twice, drop them on the garbage cans. I won't change my mind. This is final.

I go back inside and prepare something to eat, avoiding lasagna, or anything that reminds me of Italian just as the first time he was over at my place, or the day he took me to meet his family. I settle with frozen tacos, I'll be preparing them for me and Charlie.

Speaking of which… Where is Charlie? I know I'm supposed to know where he is, or when is he coming back, I should even remember what date it is. But I don't, I've been living elsewhere, if it can even be called living at all, I wasn't here, I left my life aside, how many things have changed? It couldn't be much, I mean it's only been, How long?

I'm suddenly too aware of everything, I need to know, and how long have I been out?

I ran back to my bedroom to find my cell phone dead, I haven't charged it in months, I haven't made any calls or received either, I haven't texted, I haven't even seen the time on it. I've zoomed out.

Two days past Christmas, I can't believe I wasn't here for it, Charlie and I probably did the same thing as every other night, dinner and going early to bed. I mentally kicked myself; I made him miss his first Christmas with his daughter in about seven years, since I haven't been here for the holydays in years, it must have hurt him a lot.

I hurt him.

After I had cleaned up everything, made laundry and even left some food in the oven for Charlie, I went to bed, I have to be fully prepared for tomorrow and considering the nightmares that attack me constantly, I'll need the extra rest.

Before unconsciousness attacked me my last thoughts where back in the forest, I didn't want to think about that but the memories just came back without my consent and my heart felt as if it was being drained out of life, yet again. "I wish, I just wish that it would be as simple as you thought, I wish that as if they never existed was a possibility, I wish I could just delete those moments so that they would stop haunting me, I just wish" I whispered to the air surrounding me, as if pleading for a way to stop everything. It would be a long and painful road, but I had no other choice.

I was woken up early in the morning or late in the night by a strange smell, like smoke. Worried, I ran downstairs hoping that I hadn't forgotten to turn off the stove and now out house would be on fire.

Luckily my worries where put aside when I caught my dad with a pan in one hand and the trashcan in the other, I smiled at the picture, Charlie Swan trying to cook, yeah right. At least there wasn't fire.

It was the cherry on top when he turned slightly to a side and I could see his face all covered in some sort of mixture, maybe pancakes'. I couldn't hold in any longer and exploded in laughter, I laughed until I was out of breath, until I had to stop and try to breathe. I inhaled deeply, composed myself and concentrated at not laughing at his now surprised face.

He was staring at me as I smiled widely at him, he didn't say a word, and he kept his eyes on mine, as if I was somehow going to disappear or vaporize. Slowly, a sad smile crept down his face, softening his features, he moved his mouth as if he was going to start speaking but no words came out.

A few seconds later he just gave a few steps forward and nearly crushed me with an unbelievably tight hug and I just hugged him back. After some time he let go of me and placed a soft kiss on my cheek, Jeezz, I didn't know this emotive side of him.

I decided to speak then; the whole thing was getting a little awkward. "Dad, why don't you sit now and I'll be in charge of breakfast this morning?" He just nodded and sat on his usual place on our small table.

In less than twenty minutes I had already replaced the "pancake mix" Charlie was trying to prepare and had handed him the first pair.

When I finished cooking what was left of the mixture I sat in a chair across from Charlie's and put three pancakes in my plate, I was so hungry, I felt I hadn't eaten in a week.

He stared at me and asked a little concerned "You eatin' all that sweetheart?"

I nodded and swallowed before adding "I'm so hungry I could eat a cow!" I was expecting him to laugh at my sad attempt of a joke but he just didn't.

I didn't say anything else sensing some tension in the air. When I was done with my food and practically emptied the juice carton I thought about my plans for shopping, I would let Charlie know.

"So, dad, I was thinking, I really need to do some shopping, I haven't hit the mall in way too long, my wardrobe really needs to be updated, you know?" Of course I wouldn't expect him to understand about wardrobe updating and seasons or stuff, this was my dad I was talking to.

I didn't handle shopping too well but right now it was absolutely necessary. He said no reply so I continued. "I'll do that today and we can meet for dinner when I come back, if that's ok with you."

He seemed at a loss of words "Yeah. Uhm. Ok. Sure." He sounded awkward, there was something else here.

I turned around to start getting ready.

"Bella?" I stopped and turned around where Charlie was standing in the exact same place, as if frozen there.

"Yeah?"

"You're back, I've missed you." He whispered, but I failed to understand the meaning of his words.

"Dad, I've been living with you for months." I said, but there was something else about the way he said those words that confused me.

I don't know why but I felt as if there was something missing, something that I should be thinking about right now, something that had caused this strange behaviors. Something I was leaving out of the equation.

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_**Is it better to live in ignorance or to Know and live in pain?**_

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_**Hello again lovely readers ;) **_

********_Hope you enjoyed reading this.. More chapters coming up... Let me hear your thoughts about the story!_

****_And no.. I'm not making Bella a whore... well at least not too much! LOL ... But Don't worry... _

_**Did you check out the One Shout Soundtrack contest already? Don't forget to! Link's on my Profile! (Btw... Remember mine is 'How will I know' … Not that I'm suggesting anything… Yeah right!)**_


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